Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
