i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
In America we eat man semen.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
