She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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