i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
