I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
They took my balls.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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