shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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