When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
