also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
