dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
