her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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