At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
