they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
