Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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