ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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