Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
