Don't make out with my wife yet
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
