the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
