everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
