I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
