Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
