i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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