I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
