I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
