Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize