I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
