How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
