I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
