It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sorry about my life...
How drunk are you?
Completed.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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