Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
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