Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
