i just wanna soil my oats bro
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
