I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
