It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
