Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Randomize