He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I love you. Go after that dick
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
