Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
