I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
