and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize