The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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