and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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