Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
