so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I need to calm my uterus...
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
