my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
