Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
