Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
