Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
