Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
