Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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