Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
