Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
