grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
