Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
