I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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