I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
