Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
