I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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