He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
