So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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