I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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