i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
