I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I puked a lego.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
