Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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