That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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