I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize